Rants from a Cynical Raven











{March 30, 2010}   And it begins…

So, the first post of what I hope to be a blog that lasts at least a sub-par amount of time. I’m never really good with these things, honestly. I start out strong and never finish. Sigh, ah well.

Anyways!! I got this idea from a good friend of mine. He’s been blogging his little heart out and it seems to have done him good. For the purposes of this blog, we shall call him Mr. Bloo. Any how, Mr. Bloo seems to have been doing well lately, so I figured maybe blogging my ideas and stresses of the day out would make me feel a little better, you know?

So to begin, I suppose you’d have to know why I’m so stressed out and feeling like a large bucket of poop. I’d say about 5 to 6 months ago I got out of a really bad relationship. He was mentally and physically abusive, was addicted to several drugs, and I dated this loser for 2 years. Normally most people get over this, and I have for the most part, but I still feel gross, I guess is the word? I feel like “what the hell was I thinking?” and I question myself constantly now.

I’m also over-weight, which I’m sure has a lot to do with how I’m feeling about myself and how he made me feel. I believe it also has a lot to do with why I can’t really find a date. I’m sure it’s not the only reason, but I think that it’s a greater portion of the problem. Not to say I haven’t dated in the past 5 – 6 months, I have, I’ve just yet to find that “spark” you know?¬†First and fore most I really want to work on losing weight, if I can do that, I’m sure that my confidence will pick up. You always have to work on the inside confidence, but I think if my outer confidence got a nudge it would help my inner-self.

My father has lung cancer…what kind and how bad I don’t know cause the hospital can’t seem to figure it out. What I do know is that he’s in a lot of pain, can’t do a lot of things on his own any more, and trusts me to be there for him when he needs help. Even if this help is at 3 in the morning. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t blame my father, it’s not his fault, but one day soon I would really like a day where I can sleep in. Not even a day off, just a day where I can enjoy my sleep. My mother and sister get to sleep in, and this is mostly due to my father feeling that I’m the only one who can help him, also due to the fact that my mother and sister will just sleep through the texts or calls my father sends them.

To top this all off I have a very stressful job. No, it’s not hard, it’s stressful. I work the front desk at a family go-kart racing facility. You would not believe, cannot believe, how stupid and angry people are. Every one thinks they’re special and are entitled to special deals even when I point out to them why they can’t do said special thing. Everyone yells at me, it’s my fault they can’t get what they want, so I have to be to blame, right? You’d be surprised how many people have called me a bitch because I said “I’m sorry, sir, that coupon isn’t valid on weekends.” My schedule is pretty hectic as well, part of this is my fault for living so far away. I live about an hour from work so if I work at 8am, I need to be up by 6am in order to get ready on time.

So am I an emo kid that will complain about why my life sucks? No, this is simply an introduction into my life, and perhaps a view into why I may be a little bit bitter to the world. I have amazing friends, I laugh, I sing, I play the drums, and honestly would give up the world if only for their sake. I like to dress up in a punk style and go out to tea houses, I enjoy life. Every once in awhile though, there is that road bump called “stupid” that we all encounter in life, and thus my rants begin…

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