Rants from a Cynical Raven

Hey there everyone!! So, new month, new entry, new stuff!!!!!

I am finally getting off of my ass and re-applying to college for the Fall Semester!! I’ve registered to be a full time student and I’m going to be working as well!! Of course even this simple task wasn’t had with out difficulties. So the college I’m going to set my registration date for August 6th……classes start the 23rd….so you can see how I was feeling like I was under a time crunch and freaking out a little. So I’m at work on the 6th waiting for my time to come up and trying to help customers at the same time. Luckily my co-worker, we’ll call him “Fry”, was there to take most of the customers while I registered. Everything’s ok, right? NOPE!! NEVER IS!! XD!! So I register and suddenly the page tells me that I can’t register cause I don’t have the proper “HS form” ……………………………………..FFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!……..What the hell is an “HS form”??!?!?! So I call Admissions & Records to find out…………………..they’re closed on Fridays…..won’t be open till Monday……FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!! So all weekend I’m spazing out, I NEED these classes to keep my insurance!! So this morning I called them up and asked them what the hell an HS form is, she says that it’s a form I need to fill out for graduating High School. I asked her why I needed to fill that out again, she says “Well did you just graduate?” I said “No, I graduated 7 years ago…and filled out the HS Form 7 years ago…” she says “…………………………………………………….oh” =D So even though they fucked up and their computers screwed me over they’re not doing anything about it. I’m now registered for 1 class, and wait-listed for 3 more……joy…

In other news!!! THE D’ESPAIRSRAY CONCERT WAS AMAZING!!!! WOHFAKDJGSLJDGALJORIEHOIERNGL!! I was right in front with some of my buddies!! They have so much freaking energy and the entire time I was moving, jumping, singing, screaming, I was covered in sweat by the end of the show!! I got to touch ZERO’s bass and Dr. Sweet had a “bro hand grab” with Hizumi. I met some super amazing people in line, and I’ve become friends with them and I’m excited to have some new people in my life to share JRock with ❤ So while we’re in line (we’d been there since about 4 in the morning) tour buses started showing up and taking pictures and video of all of us…like we were animals in a zoo. It was really annoying and by that afternoon I was so done with it all. I swore that the next tour bus that came by I was going to chase it down like the wild animal that they thought I was……..lucky for you my friend had the camera rolling:

I’m also going to the Dir en grey concert in September, hope to see you there!!!

So August 18th is my birthday, ya’ll!! I am apparently going to 2 different parties for this and my family wants a third for themselves to celebrate with me XDD I’m super excited and just not sure what to think of it all XDDD College, friends, concerts, this is the best birthday month so far, EVER!! I can’t wait to share my excitement with everyone ^^ TIL NEXT TIME!


I want to start off by saying I’m sorry it’s been so long since I’ve posted. I’ve had a lot going on and I’ve just been so busy!! Please forgive me

So my friends are awesome…no, I don’t care about YOUR friends, my friends are better. They’re super amazing, super positive and I’m the luckiest person in the world to have them. Nothing in particular sparked this post about my friends, just that they are amazing XD One of my buddies from Middle School came down from New York recently, so I decided that it was time to celebrate with her!!! So I got a bunch of us together and we all went to karaoke. Not your lame bar with a karaoke machine, a REAL karaoke place!! It was epic! Music, laughter, souju, good times were had by all!!! I’m sad she’s back in New York….I MISS YOU!!!!

GOD I LOVE THIS GAME MORE THAN I SHOULD!!!!! Dynasty Warriors, otherwise known as the most repetitive game in the history of existence. I can’t help it, the fact that half of these people were real and half of this shit actually happened I get so sucked into it. I think that it’s also because I want to become a Chinese History professor that I’m so into it. I actually want to specialize in the turn of the 2nd Century/end of the Han Dynasty era…..yes the era that Dynasty Warriors takes place in DON’T JUDGE ME!!!! Anyway, I went out and got the expansion pack for DW6 and besides getting to create your own characters, I’m not too impressed with it. You do get to load all your old stuff from DW6 and the horses and combat are better, but again, not too impressed. Oh well…when DW7 comes out I’ll buy that too…….because I’m a consumer whore…

So I went to the Distant Worlds concert a week or so ago (for those that can’t read the image above it’s “music from Final Fantasy”) I had a lot of fun with my friends but I do have to say that the previous years were better. They had an amazing music selection this time and I got to meet one of the Tenors!! I -was- impressed, however, with the fact that they sang the opera from Final Fantasy 6 “Maria and Draco” and sang it well. The guy they had singing Ralse’s part was amazing and he only looked like he was 18!! Perfect! It made me realize that I really do love all the music from Final Fantasy and that I’d really like to own all the soundtracks. I already have FF7……and my birthday is coming up……hintidy-hint-hint….

LOOK OUT WORLD!! I’M LEARNING KOREAN!!! MWUAHAHAHAHAHA!!! No, really though I am learning Korean ❤ I’m excited to be learning a new language even tho I’m kind of learning by myself. My friend Vinny said when she gets some time she’d offer her services to help me study and put everything into context. Right now I can read a lot of it but I have no idea what any of it means XDD Just like “I totally know that reads: ha-ba-say-yo” BUT WHAT DOES IT MEAN!??!?!?! I’m learning ^^ It’s great to learn! CAUSE KNOWLEDGE IS POWER!!!

Speaking of concerts!!! OMFG D’ESPAIRSRAY CONCERT IN LIKE….2 DAYS!!!! YAAAAAAAAAAY!! I’m excited as always to be a part of the music scene. I’m going to be crazy as usual and Dr. Sweet and I are going to leave around 2a.m. to get to a show that doesn’t start until like….6p.m. or something. Yes…crazy. I’m also excited cause I get to see some folks I haven’t been able to hang out with for months!!! Makes me happy ^^ YAY!

In other random news, I’ve been dating again ^__^ I’m still really……not sure about a lot of things since my last break-up but I’m always willing to try. Always. I’ve got a guy in my sights and I ain’t stoppin’ til he says no!! XDDDD Ah…I’m such a go-get-’em kinda gal…no wonder I scare so many guys away…I’m aggressive XDD ‘Til next time, folks!!!

backstabber!!!It’s recently come to my attention that certain members of my “friends” have been talking about me in a most unpleasant manner. To be very honest I don’t care all that much, they’ve been spreading rumors about me and calling me things that have the words “emo” and “fat” in the same phrase. I’m not too surprised about one of them, they’ve done nothing but rag on me the entire time I’ve known them and honestly I’m done with it all. I don’t need that kind of drama and I’m just going to be the bigger person and walk away. The others I am a little surprised only because they’ve been listening to this person and agreeing with them. Now, granted in the past I lied a lot, I came out and told everyone the truth and since then I have not lied (or tried my hardest not to lie) So I understand from time to time when I say something that you’d want to check up on it just to make sure cause that lingering feeling is there that maybe I’m lying again. However, after so many times that I’ve checked out and come clean you’d think that people would trust me a little more. So I’m done, I’m too tired to deal with any of this any more and if you’re one of those friends please either stop talking about me or leave me alone since we’re done. Thank you. This has been a public service announcement.

Yoshiki Foundation!So I was up in LA for about 3 days for a charity event benefiting The Grammy Foundation, Meals on Wheels, and the Make a Wish Foundation held by none other than Yoshiki of X Japan. It was his kick off party for his charity foundation that he started that day to benefit kids without music. I’m really happy I got to be a part of it and I feel blessed to have been able to share it with the people I shared it with. Dr. Sweet and his sister (+ the boyfriend of said sister, Casey D. Walmack!!) and Ms. Whirlwind of Disaster herself came with me to the benefit, we were in line from about 5am Thursday morning and didn’t get home until about 2:33am on Friday morning. That put Dr. Sweet and I at a total of 72 hours of being awake, people. We were DEAD tired. Besides the obvious line cutters, we had a really good time and I even saw some of the girls that were at the Miyavi concert that was a pleasant surprise!! We got to see X Japan in concert, took place in a new music video for a new song (that makes 4 X Japan music videos that I’m in) and I cried cause I’m a total nerd and being at that place made me happy ^^ After we were coming down the escalator and Dr. Sweet mentioned that it was too quiet and we needed to do our victory scream. So we did…little did we know that it would start a chain reaction and the whole area went nuts, cheering and screaming “We are!!! X!!! We are!!! X!!!!” and it was just all around epic. XD Good times ❤

We Are X!!!!On a side note, I gots me a new tattoo. Right above my (metaphorical) heart and yes, above the booby. I like to call it the “titty tissue”, copyright me!!! Bam! I’ve been wanting the tattoo forever and it was about time that I got it, this just seemed like the perfect opportunity to get it. Now if I could just get my Final Fantasy tattoo redone then I wouldn’t feel bad about neglecting it. Dr. Sweet promised to pressure me into getting it redone XD I seem to have a problem with getting things done I need done XDDDD Oh well! I’ll get it eventually. Anyways, I have to say that this is so far the most painful tattoo I’ve gotten and that it was completely worth it. X Japan has been my gateway into the world of Japanese music and culture and by association, my friends. I can’t thank them enough for that, a tattoo is the smallest way to say thanks. Anyways!!

h.NaotoSo at the charity event h.Naoto (a famous fashion designer) had a launch of his new line that he created with Yoshiki and I have to say that it was amazing!! I wish I had pictures to show you guys!! There were a few items here or there that I didn’t care for but for the most part the clothing was really bold, in your face, and just over all stylish. I have to say that my favorite shoes in the whole show were these high heels that were made to look like an X (I assume for “X Japan”) they were so exotic and yet simplistic that they shouted out at me “buy me! wear me!!” I needed them! XDDD I’m going to be on the look out for a lot of this particular fashion line, all of it was so amazing.

So…yes…that’s about it in a nutshell XD Fun times!!! Good days!!

God I hate stupid people...Stupid people, love ’em or hate ’em…me? I hate ’em like a boss. Case in point I love people that come up to me at work and tell me (not ask) that I am going to give them a 2nd race for free…then they stare at me bewildered while I’m laughing. I love questions like “Hi, I was wondering what the wait time was for Tuesday 3 weeks from now?” (True story) People wonder why I get so much enjoyment out of comments like these…Now, my mother likes to defend these people (why I’ll never know) by saying things like “Oh, they just mean is it typically busy on those days”  No, mother, they are not…if they were asking that question they would have said something to the effect of “What is the wait time like on Tuesdays?” or “How busy is it Tuesday?” not “3 weeks from now” that is just being stupid, I don’t care who you are. Sorry folks, contrary to popular belief I do not know everything and my crystal ball isn’t working right now.

Foreigners…I have a love hate relationship with them. Now am I racist? No. Far from it, but before you decide I am, let me explain. I love people of all cultures, I really do despite my “I hate people” general attitude. However, when I am working, and you come up to me speaking Iranian, Spanish, French, or what have you…and then get angry at me because I can’t understand you, that is YOUR bad, not mine. I don’t go to Mexico, France, or Iran expecting you to speak English and then scream at you because you don’t speak my language in your country. Now I don’t hate people that don’t speak English…every one has to start some where and there are a lot of languages that I don’t speak, but don’t get pissed at me because you’re in my country and I can’t understand your language. I also love it when people start talking about me in their language and don’t think I know they are talking about me…news flash, I know.

HELLZ YEAH!!!In other news, WHO IS WATCHING THE WORLD CUP?!?!?!? Well I am and that’s all that matters. Really, though, who is watching? Are you as freaking excited as I am? Ok, here are my thoughts…so America is doing a lot better than  thought. Despite all the ties and the win at the end, I’m actually still impressed with it. I honestly didn’t think we were going to make it into the 2nd round but here we are!! WHOO!! USA!!! USA!!! Also, Korea (South) is doing REALLY well, I’ve been really impressed with them so far and I’m cheering them on!! GO KOREA!! DAE HAN MIN GUK!!!!!!! A team I’m actually disappointed with is Italy…Mother Italia…..why? Why are you so bad this year? You used to be my favorite T.T Le sigh…oh well, let’s see what round two brings!!! WHOOP WHOOP!!

The God of the Drums himselfSo EXCITED!!! Next week The Yoshiki foundation (run by none other than Yoshiki of X Japan, my personal drumming idol) is holding a charity event that I’m going to. They are raising money for the Meals on Wheels foundation and the Grammy foundation and having a big ass party to start it off!! OW!! I’m seriously really excited about this event. There’s going to be music, fashion shows, raffles, all kinds of stuff. Believe it or not I’m really big into the “Meals on Wheels” foundation and all it does. If you guys want to know more about the foundation or you wanna help out please visit their website here!! I’m going there with my buddy Dr. Sweet, we got our invitations and we’re heading up there early to make sure we get front row to whatever is happening XD

One of the things Dr. sweet and I are srsly excited about at this charity event is the h.NAOTO fashion show that’s going to be held sometime that evening. h.NAOTO is one of our favorite designers for Japanese fashion and if I was smaller cause I’m just too much to handle, baby I’d wear them all the time. I’ve never been to a fashion show, but I was never really interested in American fashion anyway so this will be really exciting for us. Dr. Sweet and I have always wanted to watch a Japanese fashion show (yes it has actually come up in our conversations before) and the fact that this one is on American soil saves us some cash cause I am just too badass to visit Japan just yet.

To wrap things up, I am still playing video games, still playing drums, and am going to the D’espairsRay concert in August, which if you’re cool, I will see you at. Until my next post (whenever that may be cause a girl like me can’t be tied down by commitment. Bam)

Sorry to everyone who reads my posts. I apologize for leaving for so long. Dealing with my dad’s death has hit me in different ways and I just don’t know how to handle it sometimes. I took a little hiatus but I’ll try to keep posting regularly to keep you all updated on my rants to the world.


Well, let’s start off with the good stuff! I’ve become much better with my drumming than I was a few months ago. I’m still enjoying it even tho I totally screwed up my back playing for about 7 – 8 hours with my crew. I’ve been taking pain meds and rubbing this aspirin cream into my muscles for a week or so now. It’s helping a bit but it’s not a solution to the problem. I either need to get me a back brace to keep my back straight, or they need to invent a set of Tama drums that are my size.

In other news:


Yes folks, on June 10, 2010 I was present at the House of Blues concert for Miyavi himself. I have to say, I’ve never been disappointed at a concert of his. No matter what he always seems to blow me away. When ever he plays it’s like he channels a god into his fingertips and his hands move at speeds that my eyes can’t follow. Miyavi always seems to hold the audience in his hand and when he tells you to jump, you don’t even ask how high you just do it. My nephew recently got into Miyavi through the miracles of YouTube and when I heard this I bought him the tickets to the concert. He had no idea where he was going until he got there with my sister. My nephew is a little musician himself, and I thought it was really great how he could respect another musician despite the fact that they don’t speak the same language. For the first 20 minutes of the show all my nephew could do was stare at Miyavi in awe. Watching his fingers dance across the strings of his guitar, I could see my nephew’s eyes light up, and that made it all worth it.

This isn't them, obviously I met some nice girls in the line for Miyavi and it was really fun watching how excited they could get. I remember being young and having dreams of meeting some one I admired and respected. I had fun making sure they didn’t get beat up in the mild mosh pit and head banging along with them. Lovely ladies, it was a pleasure to meet you, I can’t wait to see you in line again!

After the concert I was walking with my nephew back to the car when I ran into some of my fans. As much as I love my little fangirls it really can be annoying to be in so much pain and being so tired and having to stop every two seconds to appease their fandom. Seriously one actually got on her knees and begged, the other asked me to sign her arm. All this my nephew witnessed. YOU ALL THINK I’M TALKING OUT OF MY ASS!! HA!! NOW I HAVE A WITNESS!! -Ahem- So to my fangirls, I love you, but please. When I start walking away and start looking really tired and start dragging my nephew behind me, I would like to go home. Thank you!

So about a week ago I got up for work and started to drive down the freeway for the 45 minute drive to my workplace when I started to feel kind of light headed. After a two second “I don’t feel so good” I started to vomit like my good pumpkin friend here. While I was driving. This has never happened to me before so I kind of started to flip out. Some how, some way I was able to pull to the side of the road and finish being sick. After a few shaky minutes I called my boss to let him know I wasn’t coming in, I was LITERALLY covered head to toe in vomit at the side of the freeway. I tried calling two other co-workers but I eventually had to call Mr. Bloo on his day off.  I was able to wake up my mom and she took care of me. Got me cleaned up and helped me clean my car. Moms’ are awesome. Very awesome. EVERYONE GO HUG YOUR MOM. NAOW. My boss seems to think that I got sick like that because of the stress of losing my dad, and honestly I agree with him. All kinds of crazy shit happen because of loss, who knows what else I might go through. Le Sigh.

SIDE NOTE!!!! Did you know that “Cougar” in French is “Puma” ? Do they even have cougars in France?

So…I’m sure you all have a friend, a friend that is amazing sometimes but kind of a bitch the other times. It’s usually the bitch parts that seem to get in the way of friendships with these people. I have one such friend, who is leaning very heavily in the bitch department recently. I don’t know what their deal is, I don’t know what I did or maybe they just up and decided they don’t like me. All I know is that they need to either live with it, talk to me about it, or walk the fuck out of my life. I’m tired of people thinking they can just say whatever to me and think it doesn’t hurt or that I’ll just put up with it. I’m just tired of it.

So that’s about it for now. Just living it day by day. Love you all.

And remember: A Dry Sponge, is a Happy Sponge

I’ve been gone for awhile, I’m sorry to all those that like to read my blogs but I’ve been trying to pick myself up. April 30, 2010 my father past away. I’m dealing with it how any one else who lost some one they loved would deal with it. Been crying, been depressed, I’m kind of not sure what I’m doing or anything. My father was my best friend, made me what I am today so I feel sort of lost. I’ll be ok eventually, I just don’t know when.

In other news, I’ve decided that I’m going to concentrate on my music. I feel like with all the rush-dating I do to try and find some one I actually want to be with, that I’m just wasting energy that could be used on more productive things. Why am I trying so hard? I should just let it happen so I’ve decided that I need to get hardcore with my drumming. I’ve started taking more lessons (once a week) and I find that I’m really, really happy when I’m lost in the beat. I’m not thinking about anything except the beat and the rhythm. I don’t know what it is about the drums that make me happy, exactly, they just do. My drum teacher is freaking awesome, the man is partially deaf so he watches and feels the beats I make instead of hearing them. He corrects me perfectly and I’m still amazed at how freaking good he is. My band has accepted me back and that makes me happier than anything. I’m still not fantastic at drums (about where I started, honestly) but I know that I can be great and I can’t wait to start making real music with my band mates.

Computers: I have a love/hate relationship with them. Recently I moved into a new room and finally uncovered my pc that I built about 5 years ago. I decided to fire it up to see how it was running. My analysis: Not very well at all. The computer was riddled with viruses but I couldn’t physically find any, I just knew they were there. So after looking through it and then having a friend look through it, I decided to just format the HD. I took everything I wanted off of it anyway, where’s the harm, right? No! Computer refuses to let me format the drive. No matter what I did (even using my external hd as the master) would not let me format it. Finally had to borrow a disc from a buddy of mine (Dr. Sweet, as you know him) and was finally able to force a format of the drive. Not before the viruses burned out my wireless pci…luckily I had a spare, but still, pissed me off XD

FOR THE HORDE!!! So since I got my pc up and running I’ve decided that I’m going to play WoW again…I’ve missed it and honestly I really need to lose myself in something when I’m not playing music. WoW will definitely help me with that. Not to mention that I have a good buddy on my old server and I love her to death. I will run with her once again and WE SHALL OWN ALL!!! I miss my character, too. Yes, she’s a Hunter, but she’s a BADASS Hunter…with outdated gear cause I haven’t played in like…….6 – 10 months? Yeah…any way. This is just my “hey, this is what happened and what I’m up to post.” Hopefully I’ll write more soon.


March 26, 1935 – April 30th, 2010

I love you, daddy

So many of my readers may recall that my father has been rather ill with lung cancer and that Hospice has been handling his case rather well. That is until this past Saturday. It started out like any other day, really, I got up for work, waved goodbye to my father, fed the cats and did my time at work. Afterwards, I visited my friend, we’ll call her “Bird” who is pregnant and is due in a few months. I talked with her and helped with what I could before I was called back by the family for dinner and dad helping. I got home around 7:30-8ish that evening and went right into my fathers’ room to check on him. He was laying flat on his back and breathing very strangely but for the most part seemed to be asleep. I felt uneasy about it but left him alone, my father hadn’t been able to sleep for quite sometime so I thought it was good he was sleeping. I went upstairs to announce my arrival to my mother (at this time my sister and her boyfriend came home with shopping/making dinner stuff) and my mom was surprised that my dad was “still” asleep. Apparently he’d been asleep since 1:30 that afternoon. That wasn’t right at all, but even though my mother and I had concerns we still thought it better to let him sleep.

So while my sister and her boyfriend made dinner I played some God of War and relaxed for a little while. A little while later my sister came in to let me know dinner was ready, she had also expressed her concern for the way my father was breathing but didn’t want to wake him since she isn’t -that- familiar with him. So I got up to go to the kitchen and my mother went to wake my father and ask him if he’d like some dinner. A few seconds later I got a really bad feeling (my mother says she was calling me but neither my sister, her boyfriend, nor I heard her) so following my gut I walked into my fathers’ bedroom. All the lights were on, my mother looked at me and tried to wave me over, my father had his eyes open but nothing was there. You ever read a manga or watch an anime where the character is being controlled and they take the “reflection lines” out of the eyes to symbolize that they are empty inside? I saw that in real life that night. There was absolutely no one inside my fathers’ head.

So my mother and I are trying to wake my dad up “Dad! Dad can you hear me?!” and he would suddenly be there, and stare at me with the most frightened look in his eyes before his eyes rolled to the back of his head and he’d be gone again. My mother was trying to help him sit up and he’d start flailing, like he was having a seizure, but it wasn’t a seizure, and I’d try to get him to wake up. By this time my sister and her boyfriend are in the doorway trying to process what the hell is going on and I am on the phone with Hospice trying to get some one on the phone to send a nurse right cussing now. I cannot describe to you the feeling of watching your father begin to pass away right in front of you and the feeling of helplessness that it brings. I pray that you never have to experience this situation, ever. I left the room to talk to the Hospice operator and my sister and her boyfriend took over with my mother there. I walked back into the room and I guess I missed my mom, she had ran upstairs to put pants on so she could ride in the ambulance (if we were sending for one) Which left us to try and keep my father up, I was on the phone, holding my father in my arms when he started to spasm, I started to cry trying to get this woman on the phone to understand that my father wasn’t responding. My sister (a thousand blessings on you, my sister) took the phone from me and got things done. I was still able to function, I just couldn’t speak. My sisters’ boyfriend was there trying to communicate with my father “what do you need? Tell me, come on” and we tried to keep him awake. At one point, my father looked at me and said “what happened?” before his eyes glazed over and he started to “sink” again. My mother came in, and she got my sisters’ boyfriend to call 911 on his phone. We were going to the hospital. NOW.

My sister, again, bless her, was arguing with the 911 dispatcher trying to get her to understand that we could ask him all the questions she wanted us to ask him but he wasn’t going to respond. My mother and I were still trying to wake my father up…I know this won’t make much sense, but I could see him slipping away. I’ve seen some scary things, been in scary situations, that is the scariest thing I have ever seen or been a part of in my life. My sisters’ boyfriend ran outside to flag down the EMTs and they arrived almost immediately after that, I left my mother in the room with my father and EMTs and decided to get dressed, eat dinner and potty break. When I went back into the room they had my father on oxygen, and he seemed to be doing a little better, but still not aware. When they loaded my father onto the stretcher he fought the EMTs, he had no idea what was happening. We loaded up and all went to the ER after the ambulance. The entire time all I can think is “why? what happened?” my mind was both racing and blank at the same time.

So after waiting what seemed like forever I finally got to go see my father. He was up, looking around, and had no idea who I was for a few seconds. That….hurt….a lot. He recovered and remembered me almost immediately but still…I asked him what day it was. He didn’t know, so my mother asked him what year it was and he got that right, but for some reason he kept thinking it was March. After being there for hours (and have a SHOCKINGLY low blood pressure stabilized) my father got transfered to the SICU to spend the night. He was amazingly loopy, had no idea what had happened but he was on oxygen and in the hospital. He was going to be ok. Before we left the doctor shared the concern with us that my father had O.D.’d on Morphine, the medicine Hospice had told us to give to him. Normally, it’s great for pain, but if it isn’t given a chance to clear out of the system before the next dose it can build up in the body. Which is what happened to my father, almost stopping his heart and slowing down the function of his lungs.

My father came home Wednesday, he’s fully recovered and yelling at everyone again (lol) he’s really weak in the legs, but with exercise he should be ok. My family, needless to say, is very angry and confused at Hospice, and wondering how trained professionals could make this kind of mistake. Not just a mistake, but a huge one. If my mother had not woken my father up, he would have died that night. We are still using Hospice, but we’re having a meeting with them on Monday to figure out what went wrong, why, and if we still want the same team to work with my father. My opinion? Not the teams fault really since all the medications have to go through a doctor first, but they still should have known about the Morphine build up. I will wait for answers before I point fingers, but I am not very happy. I got home at 5 that morning thinking I had almost seen my father die, and had nightmares for two days. Some one better give me an answer.

In happier news, since this incident I have taken a new look on my life and decided that I am finally going to lose the weight I’ve been meaning to lose and eat healthier. I’m going to get out there and try my best and I’m not going to let my drive waver this time. I want to be happy with my body and happy with myself. So I’ve started a diet, and my sister has really jumped on the wagon with me. She’s come up with food ideas and gym schedules that we can take and sis, if you’re reading this, I love you. You are an amazing and fantastic person and I don’t know what I’d do without you. She’s taken shifts with me to help my father get up every 2 hours all night, and didn’t complain once. Everyone give her a round of applause. Oh right…I was talking about my diet!

This is Daruma, he is a symbol of perseverance and good luck. When you have a goal, you make a wish (not really a wish to Daruma but to yourself, he’s just there to give you encouragement) and draw in one eye. Once you reach your goal, you draw in the other eye and then donate him to a temple as a thank you. I did this, and honestly I didn’t know what to expect it to do, I did it more for fun. However, I find myself waking up in the morning and seeing it, and it reminds me of my promise to myself, I also find myself talking to it. So it’s really become the symbol of motivation that it was meant to be for me. Having him look at me with only one eye has really made me feel like I should work hard, not just for me, but once I reach my goal he’ll finally be able to look around with two eyes!! (lol!)

So that’s it I suppose, all that’s happened in the past few days. Oh! Also! Remember my awesome friend “Vin” I was talking about a few posts ago? She’s still awesome! Once she heard about my dad she helped me out by drawing a tattoo design to help me remember/commemorate my father. It is the coolest thing and I don’t want to post it here cause you’ll steal her awesome design!! So I won’t post it until I’ve got it tattoo’d but Vin! YOU ARE AMAZING AND I LOVE YOU!! Vin even went to the Japanese market with me to buy Daruma and healthy snacks, cause she’s awesome.  So that’s all she wrote (literally since I’m heading to bed after this) and to all my new friends that I’ve made recently that are trying to keep in contact with me. I am very sorry, I know I’m not very talkative these days and I’m sorry about that, it’s not fair to you and I apologize! Here are some pictures to make you guys smile after my horribly depressing post. Good night!


and last pic!

those crazy Japanese!

Well I will be the first to tell you that I carry some old scars, scars that I should most likely let go of but for some reason can’t. They cling to my underbelly like some parasite and every once in awhile I feel the tug that signifies it’s sucking away a little more of my life.  Yes folks, it’s going to be one of THOSE posts…

Valhalla High School, my Alma Mater. It will always hold a special place in my heart as a school that changed me forever. I don’t mean in a “hooray my life has new meaning everything is so clear to me now” kind of way. I mean a “oh…so this is how fucked up the world is” kind of way. Here, allow me to give you an example. For those of you who know me, this story is familiar to you, skip ahead please.

Back in my Freshman year of high school I used to take the bus back and forth, my home was quite far from school so I had to take several school buses to get to where I wanted to go. Now, before I say anything further I want it known that I have friends from every social group, from every race, every gender, and every religious preference. I have nothing against these people, it just so happens that this group was bad. On this bus I got on, literally there was nothing but Mexicans on one side of the bus, and Arabic speakers on the other side (I don’t really know what background they were from, but I recognized the Arabic, so really they could have been from every where) any who! Towards the back was 1 Asian boy, and I thought to myself “Self,” I said, “let’s go hang with the only other kid that looks like the odd man out!” and so I did. We chatted for a little bit but for the most part left each other alone.

So the other kids start making fun of the Asian kid. Me, being the person that I am, defended him when common sense would have told me to keep my mouth shut. I suppose I said something that struck a nerve with these people, because the next thing I know I’m pulled out of my seat and thrown onto the floor of the bus. I was kicked, pulled, beat, had glass bottles broken on my back, food stuck in my hair and finally they held me down. Don’t ask me to tell you where the hell they got them, but these kids had giant staples. Like, industrial size staples that they shoved into the back of my neck while they held me down. I was let off the bus at the end of my street and I walked home. I don’t really remember much except thinking that my mother was going to kill me because I got blood on my new school clothes. I remember seeing my dad, or some one, at the house and saying that I didn’t want to ride the bus any more. All in all I received 2 bruised ribs, don’t remember if they were cracked, a bloody nose, I still carry scars on my back from the glass bottles and had to have the staples removed by a physician and if you look you will see the puncture marks on my neck.

My mother, needless to say, was furious and held a meeting with the vice-principal and associates. I won’t go into details, but all they did was say “oh that’s too bad” and did nothing else. My life at that school was hell every day ever since. Literally every day was spent either protecting myself or protecting a friend and the school did nothing about it. A girl in my class killed herself because of all the teasing that went on. No one did a thing about it. Why I didn’t go bat-shit-crazy is still a wonder to me but I suppose that I have my friends to thank for that.

Now, this is years later, and I will not lie I still have nightmares about that day. My mother thinks I should let it go but it’s just something I can’t forget. It’s not fair, and no one else should have to deal with what I had to deal with. The school hasn’t gotten any better, either, if what I hear from the kids currently going there is even remotely true. What’s the point of this post? I’m not sure, it’s something that I just can’t let go of, the teachers were for the most part horrible except for a select few that went above and beyond I guess it just makes me sad/angry that this is still going on. I keep trying to think of ways to help.

In other news, a lot of things are starting to come to my attention, things that just make me amazed at the human race. For starters, how about that fucking earthquake on Easter, huh? I’ve lived in the San Diego my whole life (minus a year) and I’ve never experienced a quake that made me run for cover. I was in Ralphs (again, Kroger for all you out-of-towners) taking my cart down the wine and spirits section and at first I thought that I was going over bumpy linoleum. Until a ripple went up the glass bottles and they all started vibrating. I left my cart and ran, literally bottles crashing at my feet until I got to the end of the isle to the milk and eggs laughing my fat ass off. I don’t know if you’ve ever noticed the lights in a super market, but you do when they start swinging back and forth. All I kept thinking was “THEY RAN LIKE GOATS ON FIRE!!” and laughing cause people were freaking out.

Now, was it scary? Sure as fuck was, but I didn’t think it was the end of the world. I didn’t worry about a tsunami, and I didn’t worry too much about aftershocks (though even a week later we’re still feeling some) but people went bat-shit. I have never seen so much mass panic even days later when there really isn’t a cause for panic. At all.

Skip ahead, skip ahead…so people are fucking crazy. I’m sure each of you has something to contribute to that statement, but like it or not the people of this planet are insane. I shall backup my statement with facts.

Fact #1: A Tennessee woman pinned a note to her 7-year-old adopted son back to his home country of Russia alone on a 16 hour flight. BY HIMSELF PEOPLE. Her excuse was that the adoption agency didn’t tell her about his “behavioral problems” and she was misled and didn’t want him any more. Ok…lady…here’s the facts. The kid is 7-years-old, an orphan, comes from another country and more than likely English is not his first language. OF COURSE IT’S GOING TO BE HARD THE FIRST YEAR!! The kid doesn’t understand what’s going on! Not only that but the officials in Russia said that when they would mention the name of the woman the kid would start crying saying she would pull his hair and shit. I’m sorry, that is just straight up, fucked up, people. You don’t want the kid? Fine, there are LEGAL ways to get rid of him. Inform the agency that he isn’t right and arrange for either then to pick him up, or adopt him to another family in the states close-by. You do not, EVER send a child alone on a plane for 16 hours.

Fact #2: Some 14-year-old kid in Russia killed his father by giving him a sledgehammer to the head not once, but twice while his father was sleeping. Why did he do it? Cause his parents had taken away his video games as a punishment. Now the entire world is going to start up on “SEE! VIDEO GAMES MAKE KIDS VIOLENT!!” No, fucktard. They don’t. That kid? He’s just fucked up, plain and simple fucked in the head. I’ve yelled at my parents for taking things away from me, thrown tantrums etc. I have never, will never, and couldn’t ever think of killing them for doing this. I have been playing video games since I was 3-years-old and I do not wish to kill my father with a sledgehammer while he’s sleeping. I know others that are the same way. So why this kid? Cause he’s fucked in the head. You want to know what’s really fucked up? After he killed his father the mom, who was scared out of her head, gave him back his keyboard. The kid played games for several hours before the police came to arrest him.

So what does this all mean? Fuck if I know but the world is starting to be just as fucking crazy as Florida and that is fucking crazy…..

Life is fun. One would assume that a day off meant a “day off” but not for this little Raven. On Wednesday I woke up earlier than normal to pick up the house keeper, who is subbing for the other house keeper, and take her back to my mother’s house so she can…..house keep. Instead of doing something sane like trying to go back to bed, I decided that Thursday would be the day to sleep in and today would be the day for doing!! Yes! So I picked up my new glasses (after waiting 20 – 25 minutes for the guy to find them cause he ‘misplaced’ them), got an oil change (which turned into new windshield wipers, oil change, flush, brake fluid etc etc) The mechanic was amazed that my car was doing so well, on account of I haven’t had my car checked/oil changed in over 4 years. GO TOYOTA!!

After I went to Ralph’s (for all you in other states “Ralph’s” is also known as “Kroger” don’t ask me why, it just is) and apparently it was “Old people in cars that are too big for them” hour. Literally every car in the parking lot was either a large SUV or a truck and everyone of the people driving them were old women that were shorter than me. Mind you, I’m 5’1″ and -I- was finding it difficult to even figure out how -I- could climb into one of those trucks. This one old woman was just sitting in her giant ass truck blocking the entire entrance/exit for other cars, just sitting there driving the rest of us nuts trying to figure out what the fuck she was doing. I finally slammed my car into reverse and just found a parking spot across the way. I parked, got out of my car, and reached the market before the old woman even moved her truck up a few feet. SIIIIIIGH. Anyways! I got the grocery shopping done for the fam, and good times were had by all! I could finally rest!

JUST KIDDING!! Had you fooled didn’t I? No, once I got home I was about to settle in and play some Final Fantasy 13 when my mom tells me that the house keeper is going back home today…not later in the week like I originally thought. So, just as I’m leaving I get told that there’s an accident on the main route to the trolley station, gotta take the long way around =D So she’s dropped off fine and all that and when I got home I made dinner for the family, served it, and cleaned up after. Then, finally, I got some sleep.

Dawn of the day from Hell. So I get woken up early by my mother, my dad is sick, she’s sick, and I need to go to Walgreens to save them from the peril of being sick!! So at 6:30 in the morning this little Raven is flying to Walgreens to grab meds and things unspeakable. When I get back it’s the start of a day of horror, as I stayed up with my father to help him, made my mother breakfast and brought it to her in her room. My sister was at Disneyland so I had no help what-so-ever. Not her fault, not like she planned it, but jeebus man!! What a day to be gone! So I’d say 7 or 8 hours into my “taking care of dad” watch a friend of mine stopped by, we’ll call her Vin, and brought me ramune and my father some very fantastic Aloe drink. She made my freaking day I got to have a nice little break and we watched Sherlock Holmes together. Vin, I love you!

In other news, my ex has been contacting me lately. I’m not sure how I feel about this, I should be anger ridden and wishing death upon him, but I’m just so tired of it all. I’ve come to just read the messages and let it be, honestly. It takes so much less energy, and I need all the energy I can get since I really don’t have days off. All my days off are spent helping the family, you know? I’m just really tired. HUZZAH FOR EMO POSTS ABOUT SLEEP!!

Honestly that’s about all that’s happened in the past couple of days, besides the regular stupidity at work (why can’t I use two coupons together?!?! “Cause it says cannot combine with other offer” SO WHY CAN’T I USE IT?!), things have been going well. I’m going back to college this summer! More on that later, until then, go cut yourself emo kid.


So yesterday was an amazing experience that I will sum up in one word: EPIC.

Didn’t start that way, oh no…you see, at my work we have a Junior Driving School for all the little kiddies. Every weekend at 9 in the morning we run up to 10 kids for an hour so their parents think we’re teaching them how to drive. Now normally I don’t mind this too much, yeah, I have to get up early, and yes I hate kids but it’s ok. However, when the 50-year-old father of one of said children says to me as I’m charging his card “You know, you remind me of one of my old girlfriends…” while his wife is standing next to him is just a TAD creepy. Now if he was just a sweet old guy trying to compliment me, yeah, it’s a weird way to do it, but I wouldn’t have been creeped out. No, this man was hitting on me folks…and the fact his wife didn’t hear a word was a testament to the family as a whole…

His kid was a peach, too. No, he wasn’t a horrible terror child, yes it’s ok for kids to be excited and giggly, but this was just TOO much. Like he had had one too many bumps in the go-kart, you know? He kept walking up to the instructors going “I’M GOING TO BEAT YOU! I’M THE BEST! YOU’RE GONNA DIE!!” like he was on some kind of trip. Now, I have always been amazed by the confidence of children, but this was almost scary; Kid was possessed. Did he do well in the school? Nope, came dead last…

Now to the part I actually want to talk about: PILLOW FIGHT!!! *throws pillow*

Yes folks, yesterday was the wondrous San Diego Pillow Fight down at Horton Plaza mall. You have no idea how amazingly epic that pillow fight was. Just around 5,000 people attended (coming and going, not all at once) and the feathers flew, pillows were thrown, laughter and smiles to be had, people!! It was amazing how many people stopped to ask me what was going on. “What does it look like? A pillow fight!!” they would ALWAYS respond “oh, why?” Like people need a reason to have a pillow fight! Honestly, and I’m being serious here, everyone wants to be a kid again. Even if it’s for 2 crazy hours on a Saturday, everyone wants that feeling again. The police showed up a little bit into it, I’m not sure if they were there to ‘keep the peace’ or to see what the hell was going on. I was fighting my way through a crowd and ran into a cop; literally ran into him. I looked at him and just said “Hi! Pillow?” and tried to hand him an extra one I found. He wouldn’t take it cause he was ‘on the clock’ but I told him I wouldn’t tell. He threw it, most awesome cop ever.

Farther in to the battle I was standing catching my breath when a random girl jumped on my back and shouted CHARGE!!! Which I did. We ran through the battlefield smacking people left and right and made it to the other side of all the people. She hopped off my back and said “thanks!” and ran off. I still don’t know who she is. Random Piggy-Back girl, who ever you are, you are amazing and I love you.

So over all yesterday was amazing and it sucks that you weren’t there. Here’s a video I made about the event and I hope to see you all next year.

et cetera